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Conversation I Just Had With My Mother

If you think I’m quirky, you need to meet my mom.

Mom: You know how there’s just been a lot of wasps around this year?

Me: Mmm… (clearly not paying attention)

Mom: So one flew in yesterday when I was working with chocolate and landed in it.

Me: Ew. Gross.

Mom: Well that’s not the point. It sank into the melted chocolate and I had to scoop it out…

Me: *pictures my mom at work, with her little offset spatula, and the poor bee*

Mom: …and so it had six chocolate-dipped legs.

Me: Where is this conversation going?

Mom: So I felt bad because it couldn’t move because its legs were heavy with chocolate, so I thought maybe I’d get some water and give it a bath.

Me: You were going to give a bee a bath?

Mom: Well, no, because then I realized that the chocolate would harden on his legs with cold water and he’d be even more immobile!

Me: …

Mom: So then I left it alone for a while and couldn’t find it around anymore…and then I saw it again this morning in the store. It only had FOUR LEGS left.

Me: Wha?

Mom: I KNOW! I think the bee self-amputated in order to fly again!

Me: … Are we related?

Wasp season

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